Vertigo

Memory is a strange place
To watch a sunset from
Here everything glows and smells of love
Like scented candles at midnight, like your skin
Like the faraway whisper of evening rain.

And now outside in between tall shadows
Of the long fingers scraping gold-laced clouds
that point and critique my loving
Among the eyes and eyes masked and named
That never cry or soften with quiet gratitude
I set free these last naked thoughts.

Fate. The belief that everything is predetermined
By another, by a greater,
The acceptance of lack of control,
Of existing in an ever growing universe of chaos.
A numbing of the senses.

And yet love, while we ride a higher tide
Of happiness, curling smiles,
Flashes of flashing laughter,
But for the fear of the crashing
Waves and waves of sadness,
Of loneliness, we could be gods.
Going on. Moving on. Ahead of oneself.
A further numbing of the senses.

The phone ringing
Through the earpiece
Pressed close to the ear,
A waiting, a yearning.
Oh please oh please pretty please.
Desperation.
Some call it determination.
The birth of hope
And an anticipation of emptiness.
Forever. Stop. Screaminthehead.
Closed eyes. Breathe.
Don't let the tears run.
Stop. No answer.

Meanwhile the sky is falling,
Diving into the horizon
With its jewels and promises
In red and gold
Leaving behind nothing
To hold on to
Nothing when I close my eyes.
This is it.

Cold. He lies half naked
Curled around a pile of bricks.
He opens his eyes
Wide enough to see the dark
Outlines of buildings in the distance.
Above, beyond the strokes of wires
A careless sky glowing brightest blue.

An anticipation of falling.
A vertigo to force things
To their logical conclusions.
Weary. Waiting.
A waiting like the waiting
Of the ones sentenced to love
Without a pause. A pause.

Sick, curling into nostrils.
A glimpse of hatred.
For all that you love
That you have loved
That made you cry
In moments of sudden dreamcometrues.

Self destruct this system
This world the neon wild
The streets wet and dark
The voices crackling
Television faces
Lips and cunts
Swaying softly
Fucking shitting shopping
Under spotlights.