Heartless

My Heart,

All night I cried.

I cried all night.

For you.

Heartless.

Sometimes the haunting

Can get too much to bear

Like the silent whisperings of your woodsmoke hair.

When a moment's memory of happiness

Slips through the gentle partings

Of curtains caught in a fleeting embrace of love

With the wind.

And I lie there

Still as the weeping of a dried summer leaf.

Heartless.

I am yours

I am yours to ravage and destroy

To cut to little pieces and destroy

Each piece with fingersnap precision

In between baking lovecakes

And scribbling lovesongs

And sipping red wine

In a quiet yellow kitchen

My blood gleaming and blotting

Along the weavings of your sunglow lace curtain.

I am yours to create and murder.

I am yours to embrace

To love, to hate and forget

I am yours to find

When I am lost again.

For now, I am guilty

Of scribbling lovesongs.

And staining the lace curtain

With fingersnap precision.

As guilty as the nightflower

Of kissing the moon.

Heartless.

But how could I bear to see

The pain you bear

Afraid of tears

You'd bear for me.

Even if I could bear to see

My own blood blotting and burning

The sunglow lace curtain

While I fade into infinity.

Heartless.

And so, my Heart,

All night I cried.

I cried for you.

I cried for me.

Heartless.

After all forgetting is only as selfish as loving.

Truly, we are all heartless.

There are questions and more

Uncertainties and afterthoughts

Scurrying across the forest floor.

Untraced voices in the hedges.

Blinking fireflies in the neon wild.

But perhaps in the twilight hours

In between the days of logic

And nights of grand revolutions and wine

One needs mysteries and swansongs

And uncertainties, questions and afterthoughts

To be able to look up to a starry nightsky

With tearfilled eyes.

Heartless.

And perhaps a heartless world

Has need for blinking fireflies too -

And faraway voices that sing softly

In its darkmist forests.

After all forgetting is only as selfish as loving.

After all we are all truly heartless.

Heartless.

Those who embrace love

And those who embrace without love.

Heartless.

The candlelit lips of a beautiful woman

In a strange surreal city.

Heartless

Thirsty eyes in the neon wilderness

Heartless

This reddest of my rushes

Heartless.

Old Paintings and dead poets

Cremated bodies twisted and smoking from their eye sockets.

Heartless

A blue billion breathing hatred

In saffron, in green and in red.

Heartless

The yawn of darkness

Between an obscure railway station

And an obscure railway station.

Heartless the books and words and wisdom of ages.

Heartless sunsets and silhouetted backpages.

Heartless the vertigo to be heartless.

Heartless

The withered faces

That fade from black through the windscreen.

Never to be seen

Or heard from again.

(There shall be no lovescribbles

Behind coffeestained paper napkins

To breathe life into their eyes

When they have faded into raindrops

In the rearview sky.)

So how could I bear to see

The pain you'd bear

Afraid of tears

You'd bear for me.

Even if I could bear to see

The yawns of darkness

And the withered faces

Between obscure railway stations

While I scribbled lovesongs on a tree.

Heartless.

I'd rather be the sky

And you the sea

Making love in the lucidity

Of silent abstraction.

Without helpless hopes and indecisions.

Alone. Together. Heartless.

And so, my Heart,

All night I cried.

I cried all night.

For the sky and the sea

For the sunsets and backpages

For books and words of ages.

For the paintings and the poet

Sentenced to cremation by desire.

For darknesses and withered faces.

For hatred and for loving.

For creation and for murder.

For the helpless yearning

To be falling like a falling leaf

That fades into black through the windscreen

never to be seen

Or heard from again.

I want no lovescribbles

Behind coffeestained paper napkins

To breathe life into my eyes

When I have faded into raindrops

In the rearview sky.